Perpetual me

Well, I am completely submerged into my new project. I am covered with glitter, made two runs to the city in two days (which is my monthly norm) and freaking out. I hate myself for inability to stick to something and not trying new things all the time. Why or why I can't just find my own style and keep producing something familiar and expected like the majority of successful artist do? I know that that's the way to do things, it is even recommended by artists' contractors: find your style and we will find a job for you, but - NOOOO, I am always looking for something else, something yet unexplored, something that looks fresh and promising (that is exactly like the previous project looked just a month ago) and jump into a new escapade.

It maybe sounds admirable, but in reality it's just another form of a commitment phobia. Gosh, I couldn't even commit to the TV show, I always wait till the season is over and I can watch it in one gulp, because I absolutely can't make myself to be in front of the TV in certain time in certain day of the week. And - again - I have another thing on the go, the whole shebang, and even I am so in love with the idea right now I already see how shabby and pitiful it will look in a few month and there it is - an another disappointment waiving at me: come here, baby, you know how all this ends, how it always ends.

It's like I am ashamed to be caught repeating myself. But actually it is not a flaw. To be recognisable by your work is a normal and actually desirable for a professional. Look at this picture on the top, for example: how you can not recognise Diane Arbus' photograph? But who can say that she lucks variety and repeating herself? Do you understand what I am talking about?