So I was cleaning my kitchen the other day. I was wiping a
counter with a paper towel and I was thinking: I should save the piece of paper
towel as long as possible, because I
don't want to waste it. I have to protect nature. And then it suddenly occurs
to me: fuck nature.
My friend, a biologist, told me once: "According to
natural laws after we turned thirty we live bonus years." Meaning: after
you passed your most fertile age you have to clear the space for new
generations. That is what nature thinks
about our importance. The bitch want us out right after our eldest of thirteen
children starts menstruating. And we have to protect it? Fuck it.
Nature is so overrated. Ladies you are with me. Mother
nature could take her PMS, underarm hair and growing old and shovel it up hers.
I am not one of these chicks who enjoy spending hours grooming themselves. This
constant battle against nature annoys the hell out of me. I'd rather read
something or watch TV or do some other thing that differs me from animals. Like
scrapbooking. Wooo-hoo, just had one of my girlfriends on the phone. She is
second time pregnant and asking me to add: fuck natural childbirth. With
pleasure, honey.
Fuck nature. What so
good about it? Every time I am outside of the city it's me who needs protection. You know what is natural? Dirt. Cholera. Survival of the
fittest. I can't do a single push up, so what's in it for me?.. You know what unnatural? Antibiotics. That
shit saved my life on numerous occasions when your precious nature tried to
kill me with pneumonia and other wonders it had in its bottomless pocket.
Fuck nature. We won by the way. We are the winners - so why the fuck we have to try so hard to accommodate
the looser? Nature doesn't want us to
pollute? Well tough luck bitch we don't want tsunami and hurricanes. Let's do
some quid pro quo here. You stop inventing new diseases and I promise to think about recycling.
Haha I love this, though I do like nature,you have a point. Like didn't nature ever think to make our hair waterproof so we can walk in the rain without the threat of frizzy hair?
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